Sunday, March 9, 2014

Been So Long

"Been so long... of missing you baby." - Anita Baker

Hi friends! I know there are those of you who subscribed to this blog long ago and have forgotten about it because my last post was nearly 2 years back! GAH! I know, I suck.

My life has been on a crazy whirlwind of an adventure, my loves. My ex and I split up 5 years ago but during that time, he was still in and out of my life. I had such difficulty letting go and facing that it was over. And he wasn't helping because he was also holding on for his own self-serving reasons. So 9 months ago, I just went cold turkey. I saw him one last time. He cooked for me that day. I sat in his living room, waiting for him to prepare a delicious meal for me, and we talked about getting back together, we laughed about the years we shared and funny moments with our kids. We had a great time. He is a great cook and the meal was amazing. And then I left and on my way home, I decided that would be the last time I saw him. It was a good visit. He was a gracious host. But I was done. My heart was done. He didn't know it was the last time...and neither did I actually. But when I made the decision in my heart, I knew that this time I wouldn't return. And I haven't.

That decision came with it's own heavy bag. I had to find out how to live without that connection. How to move past his sweet texts and my fantasies of a happily ever after with him and just move on. It has been such a difficult journey. But I moved forward, one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time...until the past was in the past and my future was more lovely than what I had left behind. It happened. Slowly, surely. It actually happened.

So what did I do during my 9 months of healing?

+ I went to see movies in the park with my daughter.
+ I dined at a bunch of really cool street food trucks.
+ I worked on really cool floral gigs for Ralph Lauren, 20th Century Fox and Georges Marciano.
+ I planned and designed a few awesome weddings.
+ I sewed up and sold about 50 custom designed flower girl banners on Etsy.
+ I hired a celebrity stylist to chop off all my long hair.
+ I attended my family reunion and saw relatives that I hadn't seen in almost 20+ years.
+ I traveled to Las Vegas to visit my middle daughter.
+ I renovated my office desk and chair... again.
+ I watched the sunset over the Santa Monica mountains from my rooftop.
+ I took a walk in my neighborhood and found the house that was used in the movie "Cheaper By the Dozen" with Steve Martin!
+ I dined at a Gordon Ramsay restaurant. YUMMO!
+ I shopped the Hollywood Farmer's Market with my friend and our daughters.
+ I grew in my spiritual walk.
+ I adopted a cute little pup.
+ I had an open fire minus the chestnuts on Christmas Day.
+ I subscribed to a handful of really awesome magazines.
+ I also boosted my girly self by signing up for a makeup subscription.
+ I found a really super amazing and fantabulous church with a great God story behind it.
+ I bought a pair of sparkly Ralph Lauren sandals.
+ I took a yoga class in the park in Downtown Los Angeles.
+ I took advantage of free Slurpee day at 7-11.
+ I attended the Simple Plan by Sage Wedding Pros for my small business.
+ I participated in the Los Angeles River Clean Up movement.
+ I purchased a handmade leather bound journal at the Los Angeles Book Festival  at USC.
+ I went whale watching with my daughter's class on a field trip and saw seals sunbathing on a buoy.

For me, one of the most incredible social networks right now is Instagram. I say this because Instagram allowed me to document my life. I shared pics with whomever wanted to see what I was up to. Little did I know it would serve as a wake up call for me. A reality check that life is pretty damned amazing and I had better start to be content about it. Just look at what I saw when I came to my senses:

So as you can see, when I thought life had gotten the best of me, life was actually showing me that I had a lot to smile about. So much to be thankful for. Today, I am in a much better place. I am rebuilding my life by pushing the reset button.

When I started this blog, I wanted to focus on DIY home projects and interior design. But I see now that I was hiding myself in projects. I lacked the passion this blog needed because I was still not being as transparent as I needed to be about the dark place I was in. I have a story to tell and my life is a testimony. Someone out there needs to hear it. Someone needs to know that life is great. Someone needs to know that it WILL be ok.

So here I am. Standing strong. And beginning this journey anew. I hope you don't mind tagging along.

xoxo, tami

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